Hats Off To You!

Once upon a time in a land far, far away, men removed their hats in buildings. Regardless of the man’s age, this no longer seems to occur like it should, so I’d like to explain why it would be wonderful if we brought this back.

I’m sure many of you have heard the expression, “hats off to you.” The removal of one’s hat is a gesture of respect, which is the core reasoning behind men removing their hats inside of a building. It is respectful to those around you. A man’s hat, unlike a lady’s hat, is generally utilitarian in nature. It serves a purpose, whereas a lady’s hat is often a part of her outfit. That being said, if a lady is wearing a baseball cap or a utilitarian-style cap, she, too, should remove it when indoors.

Back when gloves were common, gloves were considered a slightly utilitarian part of the woman’s outfit, which is why she would remove her gloves prior to eating. Many things that are considered “fancy” now, such as an inner envelope of a wedding invitation had a “work” purpose when they first came into practice. In that case, the exterior envelope was a protectant layer to the actual envelope of the invitation and would be removed prior to delivery. Similarly, a man’s hat protects his head from the cold and/or sun. A lady’s hat most often does not. A lady’s hat is meant to be part of her outfit, which is why hers may remain on.

When we embrace differences, we create culture.

I understand that it’s popular in today’s world to think that men and women should be treated absolutely the same regardless of what differences may be there. However, I’ve yet to see a hat a man has worn that would be considered part of his outfit. Something I think is important to keep is mind that different does not mean one must be superior to the other.

I hope this post has explained the “why” behind a man removing his hat inside, and I hope it will encourage the men readers to do so going forward. Thank you for reading!

Upcoming Gilmore Girls Garden Tea

On June 3rd this year I’ll have the opportunity to combine two of my all-time favorite things – Gilmore Girls and tea!! This tea will be more interactive and will target a different demographic than most of my other teas.

When I first started Etiquette By Emily, I wanted to bring opportunites to our small town that we wouldn’t otherwise have. In addition to cotillion, teas were another activity we lacked in this area. When I had EBE’s first tea, I only had about a dozen people come. Many later messaged me and said they just had no idea what to expect, such as if there would be food, if men were allowed, etc.

At your standard tea, there is food (and plenty of it), tea with stir ins, relaxed conversatioon, usually some music, etc. Most afternoon teas include three types of food: finger sandwiches, scones and bite-size desserts. While you should never overload your plate, you’re welcome to refill it as often as you’d like.

Teas are meant to be a way of relaxing and socializing with friends and acquaintances.

In today’s fast-paced world, we rarely get together without having a goal for that time spent together, whether it’s to raise money or volunteer. Clearly, those are both wonderful and needed traits. However, I strongly believe that humans are social creatures who need that social interaction. We learn empathy and respect by being around others. We improve our communication skills, and we fill a vital need.

Teas allow for the time together for no other reason than simply being together. Thankfully, I’ve had many successful teas since my inagural tea.

Now, for the Gilmore Girls part. Gilmore Girls is truly one of my favorite shows. I could probably quote most it, and I love every character – even Taylor Doose. I think each of the Gilmore girls (Emily, Lorelai and Rory) have a uniquely special bond with each other, and I loved seeing how each relationship developed. Each one truly loved the other, though it was shown in very different ways.

When I noticed that June 3rd was on a weekend, I couldn’t think of a better date to have this tea! June 3rd, for those of you who don’t know, is the date that Lorelai and Luke (another primary character) were to be married. When she began planning their wedding, everything fell into place for that date except for Luke.

This tea will be inspired strongly by the Gilmore Girls series, including the food and decor, which will lean towards coffee (their drink of preference). There will a nod to each character throughout the afternoon. I truly hope you’ll consider joining us on Sunday, June 3rd for a special treat at The Oaks Bed and Breakfast at 2pm. There will be plenty of prizes along the way, too!

Also, just to whet your whistle, check out this precious Luke’s mug I found! I just love it!

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The Differences In Etiquette Books

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I’m often asked which etiquette book is my favorite. To be 100% honest, most from the 1920s-1950s hit the nail on the head, in my opinion. I love The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette, 50th Anniversay Edition. This is not the exact one that I have. Mine is much older, but from what I’ve reasearched, a lot of the “older” etiquette remains in this 50th anniversary addition. I feel like Ms. Vandernbilt went into great depth explaining various rules of etiquette. She not only explained the basics – she covered it all.

Another favorite is Emily Post’s Etiquette, 19th Edition: Manners for Today (Emily’s Post’s Etiquette). Now, this is one I’ve really noticed changes in over time. The writers of Emily Post Etiquette have relaxed a lot of the rules, which, being fairly traditional, I don’t love. Overall, though, the bones hold true, and it’s an easily understood etiquette book, which I feel is important. Should etiquette change? Absolutely. I just feel that some of the guidance is a little too casual for certain circumstances and enjoy a sense of formality many seem to miss in the world?

I really enjoy studying how etiquette books have changed and evolved over time. I always teach that etiquette is the culmination of cultural and societal norms. I’ve never seen a more accurate example than that of etiquette books and how they evolve over time. I hope this post helps you find the etiquette book that is best for you! Thank you for reading!

“Us” In A “Me” World

I feel the need to preface that “me” time is a great thing. While I am naturally more extroverted, my husband is not. It took several years for me to understand that the time alone he craved was nothing against me. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy time with me or that he didn’t like being around me. In fact, it had nothing to do with me at all! That revelation was wonderful for our marriage for my own precious “me” time.

How to Balance You and Me

“Me” time is fantastic. What is not fantastic, however, is valuing ourselves completely over everyone else. Like everything, the pendulum tends to swing too far at times. We’re gone from being martyrs to being selfish, and it’s glamorized in the media and magazines. So how can we balance having “me” time to rejunvenate us while remaining mindful that the world doesn’t revolved around us? My favorite tips are listed below!

  1. Keep Committments – Respect someone else’s time, as well as your own, to be dependable enough to keep the committments you’ve made. Etiquette, at its core, is about respect for others. Changing your mind because something better came up or because you’re suddenly longing for a Netflix night isn’t respecting others or respecting yourself. While emergencies are a clear reason why plans may change, changing on a whim isn’t acceptable.
  2. Schedule Alone Time – By purposefully scheduling time that is dedicated to you, you won’t feel deprived when your attention is directed elsewhere. It truly is important that we allow our own cup to be filled – just not at the expense of others.
  3. Know Your Limitations – When you are starting to feel worn down, don’t set yourself and others up for disappointment. Go ahead and say “no.” I’m not sure where the idea of declining an offer was thought to be against etiquette, but let me assure you – it’s not. It’s perfectly acceptable to turn an offer down. There are times you’ll need to. Check out my post on how to gracefully say no here.

As always, thank you for reading! I hope to hear some of your own suggestions in the comment section!

How To Make A Bed

I hope this title doesn’t throw everyone off too much. If you’re a parent like me, anything your littles do to even attempt making their bed is a wonderful thing. However, I also know that we often have guests in our home. Aside from a clean bathroom (which I talk about here, here and here), a well-made bed is a way to make someone truly comfortable in your home.

                   A well-made bed

Clean sheets and linens are a must if you’re having a guest stay over. Going one step further, though, can make a very big impression.This week at cotillion, the students were taught how to correctly make a bed. First, the fitted sheets covers the mattress pad. Then, the flat sheet (also called a top sheet) is placed patten side down. If it’s a solid color, the finished side (look for the stitches along the edge) are face down. When you turn down the bed, the sheets are shown correctly.

Sheets facing down when making the bed

 

Next, any other blanket or comforter is pulled up to cover the sheet. Pillows made be added to your heart’s desire. Ideally, each pillow will have two cases, or a protector (my personal preference) and a case so that the pillow itself is never exposed.

      The start of a turned down bed

 

Finally, turn down the bed before your guests enter so they are welcomed by a comforting, beautiful bed.